July 2021
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E3 Thoughts
By Julie

Hey, where the hell have you been?  Oh, right, we’re the ones who went MIA.  Sorry about that.  We had some serious real life business to take care of, but that’s all out of the way now, and we’re back and ready to bore/entertain you once again.  Though, knowing the internet as intimately as I do, I’m sure our readership is somewhere in the negatives right now.  Discounting spam-bots.  Our spam-bot readership is off the charts.  Those bitches are loyal, let me tell you.

Due to aforementioned serious real life business, we haven’t been able to complete any games to review.  I considered doing yet another Top 5 list, but the thought of returning from a two week hiatus with something that lazy made me feel kind of guilty, so instead I’m going to talk about E3.  In typical completionist.com fashion, we’re weeks behind everyone else in doing this, and it’s more than likely that everyone who cares got all of their E3 news elsewhere.  However since you’re probably a spam-bot who won’t read this anyway and is just here to tell me about Kim Kardashian’s horse porn, here are my thoughts.

Thought #1:  ZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzZZzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz.  Wow, boring.  E3 used to be a mystical gaming nirvana, full of startling news, and shocking announcements, and booth babes.  Now it is just somewhere boring people go to hear about things that they already know.  It seems that a large percentage of announcements had either been “leaked” or “hinted at” in the months preceding the event, if not just released outright.  The magic is gone, but the industry just won’t let it die.  Sure, a few trailers get unveiled, maybe a couple of new screenshots, but E3 is certainly a shadow of what it once was.  (*Disclaimer:  I would take that all back at a chance to actually attend E3, which has long been a dream of mine, even after they downgraded it and made it boring*)

Thought #2: Project Natal is not worth getting excited over yet.  Sure, the stuff in the video is cool, but that’s just a concept video, not the actual product.  Could it develop into something revolutionary and groundbreaking?  Of course it could, but right now it’s just a concept.  I work in R&D, and I can tell you first hand that concept does not equal finished product.  Sure, I could come up with a concept for a rocket car that you control with your mind, but that doesn’t mean I can actually make one.  Also, I can’t say that I’m overly excited about people inventing new ways to make me wave my arms around while gaming.  Not that a lot of actual gaming was going on in that video, the focus seemed more on dressing yourself up like a doll, and chatting with people.  No thanks.

Thought #3: I still love Nintendo.  Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs, but with Super Mario Galaxy 2, Super Mario Bros Wii, Zelda: Spirit Tracks, and Bowser’s Inside Story, all is forgiven.  Though I wouldn’t complain about a new Mario RPG title for the Wii.  Not even a little.

Thought #4: Does anybody make new games anymore?  Uncharted 2, Bioshock 2, Left 4 Dead 2, Mass Effect 2, Super Mario Galaxy 2, Assassin’s Creed 2, COD: Modern Warfare 2.  I’m all for sticking with a good thing, and some of those games I’m really psyched about, but it would be nice if some of these studios put their efforts into creating new brands, instead of just milking the old ones.  Assassin’s Creed was not sequel worthy, in my opinion, unless they’re going to drastically overhaul the gameplay, and in that case, why not just make a whole new game?  As an aside, funny story about Uncharted: Chris and I played the demo, and were considering buy it, but the $59 price tag was a bit too high, so we waited for it to drop.  Usually after a game has been sitting on the shelf for awhile, they drop the price a bit to clear it out.  Almost two years later, the price has actually gone up by $10.  I guess they were low on funding for the sequel.

Thought #5: Omg, stop making peripherals for everything.  DJ Hero?  Really?  I pray that it isn’t actually fun, or I”ll be forced to buy it, and we were complaining about running out of space in the basement two drum sets ago.  Then there’s stuff like the Wii Vitality sensor, which looks like one of those things they put on your finger in the hospital, and Sony’s motion sensing magic wand thing that is just a Wiimote with a bizarre glowing orb on the end of it.  Please, please, gaming industry, stop making this stuff.  Make new consoles, or make new games, but no more filling my house with your weird crap.  Seriously, look at this thing.  Wtf?

Thought #6: I’m only writing this thought to help disguise the fact that despite my best effort, I just wrote a list of five things.  I am weak, please forgive me.

Also, congratulations to me, and shame on Chris.  The publishing of this article officially pushes his last post off of the home page.  “Chris who?” say the spam-bots.

Julie’s not lying…and why would she.  I haven’t written a post in a couple months now.  Seems all I’ve had time for is adding my two cents to the stuff that Julie writes.  I do have a couple of articles that have been in the works over that amount of time, including a review of Gears of War 2 which I finished a couple of months ago and didn’t write anything down about.  It’s going to make for a fun review.

As for E3, the luster is long gone but I still like to get excited about it even if it’s only to hear more about games I already know are coming.  Julie complains about sequalitis but games like Bioshock 2 and Mass Effect 2 make my thumbs tingle.

I would have to say that Project Natal was probably the biggest news at E3, based solely on my highly scientific findings.  Those findings being that people who know that I like video games ask me questions about them and I got the most questions about ‘the new Microsoft thing where you wave your hands.’  Will it work?  Probably.  Will it work well?  Probably not.

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