Were you wondering what to get me for Christmas? Of course you were!  So, here’s  a quick list of things that would make you MUCH more popular where I am concerned.  Any of these gifts alone will earn you my only-marginally-divided attention for at least several minutes, possibly hours, depending on price point.  The more gifts you buy, the more you’ll be my friend!  Everybody wins.  Also, since I am posting this list with precious few shopping days left, only mild penalties will apply for gifts delivered to me after the 25th.

• A Sumo Sac.  Have you ever wanted a bean bag chair?  Me too.  Have you ever wanted one with a 7′ diameter?  Me too!  For the thrifty shopper, these are currently on sale for only $399, down from $999.  How could you  NOT buy me this?  Buy one for yourself while you’re at it.  I want a black one.  Did I mention free shipping?  They practically cost zero dollars.

• Eternal Sonata Figurines.  This gift is for the truly dedicated friend.  The main problem being that these don’t actually exist.  Believe me, I’ve looked.  So, for a limited time only, I will be your best friend for life if you kidnap an awesome toy designer and force them somehow (I’ll leave the details up to you), to make these for me.  Since your detaining of this designer might be time limited, please have them start with Chopin and Falsetto.  Leave Jazz for last.

• TurboExpress.  I never owned an NES or a Master System, so for me no other console holds the wistful nostalgia of the TurboGrafx-16.  It was my first gaming system, and to this day I’m saddened by its premature destruction.  Was it because it only had one controller port?  Because it lied and said it was 16-bit, when it only had an 8-bit CPU?  Alas, TG-16, you were ahead of your time.  The TurboExpress was a portable TG-16, which took the same game cards as its big brother, but made the whole thing portable.  You can find one on eBay somewhere I’m sure.  If you can’t find one, I would also accept a TurboDuo.  TG-16 games are an added bonus, and earn you extra friendship points and privileges.

• Space Invaders Cutting Board.  These are just $130, but I only need one, so act fast!  5 bonus friend points for every thing you buy me from ThinkGeek, because almost all of their stuff is just dripping with awesome.

• Skee Ball Machine.  When I go to an arcade, after a few embarrassing rounds of DDR, I always head directly for Skee Ball, and stay until I run out of money, or someone drags me away.  If I had one in my house, I might never leave.  You can make this dream come true for me!  Mini Skee Ball is not acceptable, I want the real deal.  They make cutesy home versions of this that are also not acceptable.  For full credit, it has to be a coin operated, ticket dispensing arcade-style Skee Ball Machine. It also has to play that song at the beginning of every game.  You know the one.  I also like that game where you drop your quarters down onto a moving arm, and you have to time it correctly to hit the big prizes.  You can get me one of those, but only if it doesn’t cheat like the stupid one I played on last time.

• Logitech G13 Keyboard. In these tough economic times, I feel it would be cruel of me to not include reasonably priced items on this list.  So, for a limited time, I am offering my limited friendship to whoever gets me this mouse-keyboard hybrid thingy that Logitech has come up with.  It looks like it belongs on a spaceship, which means it certainly belongs in my office.

• Harmon Kardon SoundStick II Speakers.  Another reasonably priced item that will contribute to the spaceship feel of my office.  Seriously, how cool are these?

• MM9-style sequel to Keith Courage.  This is another gift that involves kidnapping and coercion, but my admiration and respect are priceless, so you’re still getting a good deal.  As mentioned previously, TG-16 is my favourite system of all time, and for that system, Keith Courage is the game I’d most like to see a sequel to.  I want this to be a true 8-bit (with 16-bit graphics, of course) sequel, similar to what was done recently with Mega Man.  If you happen to be a game designer yourself, you can get this for me without even committing a felony!  Score!

• Mitsubishi LaserVue 73″ TV.  If I could manage to ignore for a minute that a 73″ screen would be beyond incredible, which I can’t, I would still be blown away by every other feature of what looks to be an astoundingly amazing television.  It uses lasers.  Need I say more?  Since the 73″ version of this bad boy isn’t technically available yet, I will graciously wave the post-Christmas penalty for this item.

• Jose Cuervo Black.  What does this have to do with gaming, you ask?  Ever heard of drinking games?  Using video games?  Mario–Schlager, perhaps?  I thought so.  My love of tequila has been well documented.  Unfortunately, a lot of this documentation has taken the form of pictures on the internet.  Also unfortunate is that Canada doesn’t get half of the cool stuff the States does, and Cuervo Black is one of those things that we’re missing out on for now.  A good friend would import some for me.  You want to be a good friend, don’t you?

• Alienware ALX X-58.  It’s always the right time for a new gaming PC.  Fully customized to my specifications, this’ll run you about $7500.  OR only $250 a month for the next…. while.

• Classic Arcade Machine.  You know what would look great next to my Skee Ball machine?  Oh, you’re so smart, you guessed it.  A Classic Arcade machine!  My preference would be Galaga, but I’m not picky.  I also accept DDR machines.

In order to avoid duplicate items, or in-fighting amongst you, my followers, I recommend setting up some sort of message board, or phone tree, so that no one gets left out, and everyone gets to be my friend.

Chris has first dibs on getting all of this stuff for me, but he is apparently not interested, so his loss is your gain.  Make the most of it!

Julie has some great ideas here.  It almost reminds me of some kind of C-Net “What’s Cool This Yule” type article, except it’s actually funny.  So congratulations on that one, dear.

I have to say that I wouldn’t mind owning about 90% of this junk as well, so if you want to get brownie points with both of us, you know what you have to do.  I don’t know where the hell we’re going to fit a Skee Ball machine, though.  Perhaps we can replace things that aren’t fun in the completionist.com HQ, like the oven or a toilet.  Skee Ball while showering?  Awesome.