Okay, I’m ready to say bad things about PSHome now. I know you’ve all been on the edge of your seats waiting for this, and I don’t like to disappoint our readers.
Hey, wanna sit in your basement at home, while also sitting in a virtual theatre, and watch a trailer for Twilight with strangers? No? Want to go to a virtual mall and spend real money on virtual things for your fake apartment? No? How about watching your avatar do the robot in a crowd of people who are trying to virtually hump each other? Still no? Well then, you are just no fun.
When I used to play WoW, sometimes when standing around Ironforge waiting for someone to finish up at the auction house, I would entertain myself and those around me with a quick dance. This would be fun for about 3 seconds, while I walked away to grab a drink or something. PSHome is an entire world designed around that concept.
If I wanted to decorate a fake apartment, I would play The Sims. If I wanted to watch a movie trailer for Twilight, I could do that online, without the creepy addition of watching my virtual self watch the trailer in a theatre filled with other people. If I wanted to watch strangers fight about how much some random thing sucks, and degenerate to calling each other fags, I’d jump on one of a zillion online forums created for just this purpose. If I wanted to get humped by strangers, I would…. well, I wouldn’t want that, ever.
To be fair, I have to say that their avatar creation was pretty good, with fully customizable facial features. As an added bonus, girls are allowed to wear jeans (take a note, Microsoft). After you’re done making your character, however, it’s all downhill from there. You’re dropped into a sparse, but spacious seaside apartment. To get you used to the interface, you’ll be asked to do such enthralling activities as sitting in a chair, moving a couch, and going outside to look at your view. If anybody actually enjoys watching themselves watch a crappy looking fake ocean, then maybe PSHome is right up your alley. Speaking of alleys, once you leave your apartment (after load times), you can go bowling. That is if the bowling alley isn’t full, which it apparently always is. Then, it’s off to the mall. Hey, a store called “Stuff”. You love stuff. Oh, well, the store is empty. Maybe it was looted by a virtual mob gone mad with boredom. Unless you want to pay 50 cents for a crappy lamp for your stupid apartment, the mall is basically done. Back outside, feel free to watch two people argue over how gay the other one is. Gosh, now your avatar looks tired. Time to sit down again! Find a bench by the Listening Area, and watch a crowd of people doing the running man. Are you overloaded with fun yet? Hey, it looks like those two guys are humping that girl who is obviously AFK. Hilarity! Now that your sides hurt from laughing at all the hysterical things going on in the Central Plaza, it’s time to hit the theatre. Don’t be concerned about the outrageous load time on the Paramore video, there are people dancing in here too! The good times never stop on PlayStation Home. Once the video is finally loaded and played, your cup runneth over, and it’s time to head back to your condo to push your furniture around a bit, sit down on everything, look at the fake ocean, then hit the virtual hay.
Other than the general appeal of being anonymous and acting like a jackass, I honestly don’t see what would drive anybody to PSHome. Maybe it’s attracting Second Lifers, but I’m guessing not. Second Life is the undisputed king of virtual worlds where you do nothing. Sony’s bowling alley and crappy mall can’t really compare to Second Life’s enormous international community, where users can make and sell their own objects. PSHome is trying to fulfill a need that nobody actually has. It has nothing unique, nothing worth going back for. In essence, it’s really, really boring. I know it’s technically in “beta”, but beta should mean bugs, not boredom. How do you patch listless disinterest?
I though we almost had it there…the first review of PSHome that doesn’t mention Second Life. Alas, that is essentially what Home is trying to be. After all, why wouldn’t you want a piece of an ever shrinking pie. To be fair to Sony, we have to take two things into consideration:
1) When they came up with (read: stole) the idea for PSHome, Second Life was still booming in popularity. It took a while and since then Second Life has become little more than the target of ridicule for people looking to mock modern-day social outcasts. Gotta love Dwight.
2) There’s a very important word that’s tagged on to the of Playstation Home: Beta. The world isn’t yet fully developed and much like a not yet fully developed human, it’s basically just miring in its own filth.
